Fear = Sitting on the Coach Eating Potato Chips
WOD Program
A1: Dips 12-15
A2: Ring Rows 10-12 X3
B: 4 X 2 min 450 m. row
WOD Actual
A1: Dips 12,10,10
A2: Ring Rows 10, 9,9
B: 2 1/2 Row - 2 min 450 M. row
As I was driving home last night I was thinking about how life takes you on different paths. The word fear popped in my head, not really sure why, but as I pondered the idea of fear and how the word has changed my path from time to time it made sense.
Merriam-Webster defines Fear as
Noun
1: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger and accompanied by increased autonomic activity.
2: an instance of fear
Transitive Verb
1: archaic : Frighten
2: archaic: to feel fear in (oneself)
3: to have a reverential awe of (fear God)
4: to be afraid of: expect with alarm (fear the worst)
If you think about each of these definitions fear is a daily part of life in some way or another for everyone. For me fear lurks not because I fear the worst in losing loved ones or that God is going to strike me down because I once again used his name in vain or worse, or that there is some scary "monster" ready to jump out at me. No most people probably fear losing their job, spouse, child, that almost car accident that about made you pee your pants, I can't live in that half glass empty glass house that would be Way to Depressing!!
My fear revolves around "who would I be if I lost the ability to do the things that make me, me!" Being able to run, jump, lift, exercise with an intensity that makes me look within and question who I am from time to time. People might think that line of thinking is shallow, those things really don't matter when you have so much to be thankful for. But being athletic, enjoying exercise, being both mentally and physically fit is so cathartic for me. One actually feeds into the other---- not really sure which comes first but they go hand in hand for me. If I am depressed, exercise brings me new energy and new outlook on the day, if I haven't exercised I become depressed. And so the circular cycle goes and sometimes it goes the other way. So I constantly question what if........ I hurt myself again, what if I can't be agile, active, and mentally healthy....... what if I just sat on the couch and ate potato chips....... When I get into this negative spiral I always use the potato chip one as my last one because it reminds me that I have to strive to be better, to get better, to be stronger, to let the fear become sweat, good mind bending, hard breathing, muscle aching sweat! (There was an ad I once read that said, "
"You could get mauled by a bear & Die. You could get bit by a snake & Die. You could fall off a cliff & Die. You could get struck by lightning & Die. Or, you could stay home, sit on the couch, eat potato chips, & Die.")
I also laugh and remember the Synonyms to fear in this order: bother, worry, fret, fuss, stew, stress, sweat, trouble.
Bother leads you to worry, worry makes you fret and fuss, then you stew, till you are completely stressed, but once I sweat I have little or no troubles.
So walking into the gym my goal was to eschew fear and hit the WOD head on and sweat. One can see from the Actual WOD things went a bit differently. But walking out of the gym I didn't see it as a fail. I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me at first but I didn't let it get to worry and better yet with help from Matt I didn't over due just to prove I could do what was written on the board. (Thank God for Matt-my next rambling will be how I make those decision with him 1000 miles away.) We are still learning my limits and I am still gaining ground. For instance this week I accomplished 4 work outs for the first time since January 11 and got up before 7 am!!!!
Sure my bear crawl looks like a raggedy old menopausal bear who is still bleary from hibernation, but I did it and truth be told it is probably what it always looked like!
